Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 364

Deprecated: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is deprecated, use preg_replace_callback instead in /home/ycv/_Castle/castle_referee.php on line 365

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마음깨우기 명상 후기 - [마스터 천도재] 가해자 피해자, 가학 피학의 아픈 마음 | 영체마을

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일반 [마스터 천도재] 가해자 피해자, 가학 피학의 아픈 마음

신효정 2020-10-29 00:54

이번 마스터 천도재에서 저는 ‘뺏고 뺏기는 아픈 마음’과 지난 세션 때 혜라님께서 말씀해주신 저에게 세게 와있는 조상들의 마음인 ‘얼굴을 훼손당하고 테러당한 아픈 마음’을 위패에 올렸습니다.

 

제가 아픔을 제대로 이해해주지 않고 버리고 있다는 건 당연히 예상한 바였지만 ㅠㅜ

세션 때 나온 제 모습은 이해해주지 않는 정도의 차원을 넘어 그 마음을 엄청 조롱하고 비웃으며 가학하고 학대하는 살인마 자체였습니다.

 

혜라님께서 보여주시는 밉다고, 죽여 버릴 거라고, 잔인하게 망가뜨릴 거라고, 고통을 줄 거라고 말하는 살기 어린 저의 모습을 보며 머리로는 싫은데 이상하게도 자꾸 웃음이 나왔습니다. 그 모습이 두렵고 아픈 것이 아니라 즐거운 게임이나 놀이처럼 느껴지면서 재미있다는 마음이 계속 올라왔습니다.

 

최근 몸치유를 위해 골기 마사지를 받으며 이 마음이 인식은 되었으나 늘 통으로 그 마음과 하나가 돼버리는 탓에 제대로 청산하지 못하고 걸려있는 상황이었습니다. 뼈를 건드리는 골기 마사지를 받는데 아프면 아플수록 제 의지와는 상관없이 미친 여자처럼 웃음이 계속 나왔고 심지어 마사지를 해주시는 선생님께 더 세게 해보라는 등의 도발성 멘트;;를 일삼으며 약자, 피해자의 아픔을 인정하지 않고 그런 아픈 상황에서 즐겁다고 깔깔거리며 웃고 있는 가학, 피학의 끝장판인 저를 인정하는 것이 너무 두려웠습니다.

 

무심코 던진 돌에 개구리는 목숨을 송두리째 빼앗기는 것처럼 대단한 목적이나 이유가 있어서가 아니라 단순히 장난으로 누군가를 학대했던 조상들의 마음과, 반대로 누군가에게 그저 재미로 학대당하고 고문당하고 신체를 훼손당하며 마음을 전혀 이해받지 못했던 조상들의 아픔이 나는 이렇게 아픈데 너는 그렇게 재미있냐고 울부짖고 있었습니다. 그렇게 당한 피해자의 마음이 절대로 상대방의 아픔을 이해해주지 않고 괴롭히며 즐거워하는 가해자가 되어 내 마음도 상대방 마음도 열등하고 아픈 것들은 모두 짓밟고 무시하고 있었습니다.

 

이 마음으로 저는 피해자인 동시에 가해자로 살아왔습니다. 남들은 이해할 수 없는 이상한 병을 만들어 저의 아픔은 누구에게도 이해받지 못했고 조금씩 망가지는 저를 보며 처절하게 고통스러워하는 동시에 그렇게 열등해진 나를 조롱하고 비웃고 희열을 느끼면서 더욱더 망가뜨리고 싶어하는 잔인한 제가 있었습니다. 제가 살면서 가장 두려움과 살기가 올라왔던 순간은 제 외모나 신체에 이상이 생기거나 잘못될 때였는데 그렇게 외모나 신체가 조금이라도 훼손되면 뺏기고 죽임당한 피해자 마음이 극강으로 올라오면서 남들이 이해 못 할 정도로 인생이 다 끝난 것 같은 죽음의 고통을 느끼며 괴로워했습니다. 그리고 한편에는 이렇게 열등한 나를 수치주고 얼굴을 망가뜨리고 몸을 난도질하고 가해하며 웃고있는 제가 있었습니다. 마음 세상에서 저 혼자 가해자 피해자 놀이를 하며 재밌다고 좋아하는 저를 보았습니다.

 

혜라님을 통해 호되게 조상들의 그 마음을 보고 느끼니 그제서야 웃음이 멈췄고 아픔의 눈물이 터지면서 제가 미쳐있는 상태로 살았다는 것을 알았습니다. 인생의 비밀이 풀리는 것 같았습니다. 너무 아파서, 이렇게 마음을 이해받지 못하고 장난감처럼 고문당하고 수치당한 약자인 나를 인정하는 것이 너무 고통스러워서 난 이게 재미있다고, 즐겁다고, 좋다고 우기는 제 모습이 더 처참하게 아팠습니다.

 

극강의 가해자 피해자를 오가는 마음의 굴레에 갇혀 영겁의 세월을 고통 받았을 나의 조상님들.

저를 통해 그 마음의 고통에서 얼마나 벗어나고 싶었을까요?

혜라님이 말씀하시길 제 조상님들이 잘생기고 예쁜 선남선녀들인데 스스로를 학대하여 자신의 목을 조르고, 얼굴이 뭉개지고, 눈 하나가 없고, 코가 잘리고, 팔다리가 잘려있는 등 온갖 처참한 모습이었다고 합니다. 다행히 혜라님의 천도 호~소리와 함께 스스로를 가해하던 행위를 멈추고 잘 천도되셨다고 합니다.

 

가시면서 조상님들이 제게 주신 선물은 황금 마이크였습니다. 예쁜 꽃모양의 황금에 영롱한 진주와 보석이 박혀있는 화려하고 블링블링한 마이크라고 합니다.

 

자기들처럼 마음이 아픈 사람들을 위로하고 치유하는 노래를 해달라고 하셨습니다. 아픔을 인정한 만큼 더 아름다운 목소리를 주겠다고요. 그 약속 꼭 지키겠습니다. 그리하여 세상에 사랑을 주며 사랑받고 싶었던 당신들의 못 다한 한을 풀어드리겠습니다.

 

제가 받는 사랑도 미움도, 제가 가진 장점도 단점도 모두 당신들에게 받은 것입니다. 잘나고 우월한 당신은 나라고 인정하면서 열등하고 아픈 당신의 마음은 부정하고 외면하고 버렸던 저를 참회합니다. 세상 모든 아픈 마음을 진심으로 이해하고 사랑할 수 있을 때까지 기꺼이 아픈 존재가 되어 아픔을 느끼겠습니다.

 

세젤멋 우리 엄마, 사랑하는 나의 스승님 혜라님!

갈수록 하염없이 깊어지는 혜라엄마의 사랑에 철갑을 두르고 무장하던 아픈 마음들이 마구 녹아내리는 시간이었습니다.

말로는 도저히 표현할 수 없는 이 감사함을 몸으로 실천하며 혜라님의 정신을 이어나가겠습니다.

혜라님 제자답게 멋지게 살겠습니다! 뜨겁게 뜨겁게 사랑합니다~혜라엄마, 그리고 우리 마스터님들! : )